HOW TO BE A BOCA MOM
by Anonymous

There are many different kinds of moms in the world. Some are warm and nurturing, some strict and disciplined. Then there is the Boca mom.

It takes work and energy to become a member of this fabled group. Training begins long before marriage. It is advantageous to be born the daughter of a Boca mom, lessons learned by example make a strong impression. For those not so blessed, the task requires determination.

The right look is imperative. Hair should be lightened, or at least highlighted. The hours spent in a beauticians chair are good training for later play group gab fests. Weekly manicures and pedicures are mandatory. Nail enamel choices include a French for the extroverted and bright red for the smouldering, moody types. Should your genes have denied you long, strong fingernails, the miracle of acrylics can make up for the deficiency.

Breast argumentation is another popular procedure for increasing one's desirability. A wardrobe of tight tee shirts and sequined tube tops are required follow up to the operation. The metamorphosis can be completed with designer bags and shoes and the obligatory cell phone. A diamond encrusted model that plays the latest Broadway tunes is guaranteed to move you to the top of the trend setter list.

Dressed to kill and made up within an inch of perfection, our Boca woman is ready to become a Boca mom. All she needs now is a man. And since it is as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one, the choice is clear. The astute Boca babe will check out a mans financial statement before agreeing to the first date. This is not as callous as it may sound. The Boca man seeking the
perfect woman has already decided trophies are of greater value than intellectual discussions. Matches of this sort satisfy the wants of both parties, even if they fail to meet their emotional needs.

With a huge diamond and a band of gold securely on the left hand, the final phase begins. Working around her salon appointments and her husbands business schedule, she manages to conceive. This is when all her training is called into play.

As soon as the delivery date is known, she must set an appointment for her epidural, followed by the post birth massage and hairdressing. With that settled, she can begin to think about her child to be.

With a scant nine months before the arrival, she must organize well to accomplish all the needed tasks. First its off to the mall to register for all the high ticket baby items at the best stores. Then to the auto dealership to trade in that cramped Mercedes for a huge SUV. And in her spare time she has to interview potential nannies (no Scandinavians..they might want to sunbathe nude!), cooks, housekeepers and social secretaries. Its enough to make a woman hire a temp!

When the blessed event finally occurs and the video of the birth has been sent to everyone they know, the Boca mom can finally begin to enjoy all she has worked so hard to attain. There are story times available at bookstores and libraries. It is important to attend as many as possible so you can keep up on all the gossip. Proper attire requires you bring your cell phone to story time so everyone can gauge your importance by the number of calls you have to answer. Although the hosts believe this time is for the children, every Boca mom knows it is the perfect time to share adult conversation and compare the latest fashions. If the children miss a word or two of the
story, they can stay for the next one and hear it again. Besides, its good training for those little girls who want to grow up just like mommy!